When I think about my mental health journey and when it started it honestly started before I even knew it was an issue. I can remember back to very young elementary school and biting and picking at my nails. I had no idea why I did it and it wasn’t until my 30s I realized it was anxiety. I just didn’t know the word. At 38 I focus on my mental health a lot. But at 5 how do you even know?
My Mental Health Journey
The beginning:
As I mentioned I am pretty sure I have had anxiety since I was really little. Getting stomach aches about going to school, lots of fears, etc. I also had quite a bit happen in my childhood that I never properly dealt with. Things I did not think affected me much absolutely did. A lot of this I really didn’t realize until well into adulthood. I also had quite a bit of undiagnosed anxiety and depression throughout high school and college. Looking back I wish I had realized this or that someone else had.
The middle:
I would say when I was about 27 things were at their worst. My dad was diagnosed with cancer and I was going through a lot personally. It’s when I started consistently taking antidepressants and anxiety medication. I also started going to therapy. This is also when I realized a lot of my childhood trauma was still so much on the surface and I did not realize it.
The now:
When I met Andrew I was really doing well. Then we got married and had two kids and throughout all of this, I stayed on antidepressants. Other than when I was pregnant. But I did start taking them the day I had both kids. I did not want to deal with PPD. But I did deal with PPA (Postpartum Anxiety) with Liam. With Charlotte, I did not. Now I do really well. I take the lowest dose of my medication and feel great 90% of the time. I do still have down days and moments and that’s completely normal.
I don’t say any of this for anyone to feel bad for me. Honestly, most of us have gone through hard things and come out on the other side. I do share this so that others can hopefully find some comfort in knowing they are not alone. So many of my friends and I will talk about how many of us had undiagnosed issues in our teens and 20s because mental health just was not talked about much. I am so glad that my children will grow up in a world where it is.
If you have had your own mental health journey I see you.
